Motivation, Part 2

The next word or concept I had a really hard time accepting.  In fact, I have to review this often.  Perhaps when I have this concept mastered, I will have motivation mastered for life!

The law of nature says that to make change, force is applied, and resistance is encountered. For change to happen, force has to happen, and when there is force, resistance happens. Force can be pushing or pulling.

For whatever reason, I have been lead to believe force is evil, bad, wrong. (Please note, if you know me, you would know that I am a caring person, and to go about insulting or injuring anyone is not in my disposition.  However, in these post there could be, unintentionally, something someone would consider offensive.  However, as one who believes in right and wrong, good and evil, as there are opposites in all things in life, I am trying my best to be sensitive in what I write.  However, as these are experiences I have had in my life, I will write them as I experienced them.  I make no judgment here regarding anyone, but you do need to know a bit about me and my beliefs, to fully understand this challenge.)

I know when force is encountered, resistance will happen.  We see that everywhere we go.  I do it myself, and I see others resist if they feel they are being forced.  Yet, as I realize this force just applies to myself, I see things differently.  I am the only one who can change me.  I may have influence, great or small on others, but I can’t make them change.  I can only change myself.  And that takes a huge amount internal force.  The force comes at the point of contact.  I put that fork down and don’t eat more, in order to lose weight.  I open a book, so I can read it.  When I realized the only force here applies to what I do to myself, it helped me.  But we are applying force in our lives, anytime we do something.  Force, (perhaps mostly internal mental force) is required to make change happen.

 

So, if we know resistance will be incurred, we should expect that when we go about making a change.  In a simple case as picking up a glass that fell to the ground, force happens when we grip the cup, the point of contact.  Resistance happens to gravity, when we move it to the counter.   Thus, change is not complete, I believe, or is second nature to us, until we get to a point of no mental resistance on what we are trying to change.

Force can be pushing or pulling.  In a few cases, such as manually moving a heavy object, there may be some pushing and some pulling to accomplish the task at hand.  However, when it comes to people, I would think all of us seeing pulling is more helpful than pushing.  The image that comes to my mind is that when pulling, you are bringing someone or some thing closer to you, while pushing is distancing yourself from someone or something. The only intent of this blog, to influence others who are in a position where I was, that there is help out there.  However they have to do the work themselves, and want to make the change. I can’t force you, but I would hope you would consider what I am saying, and at least try. Just be prepared to face resistance, in fact expect it, and prepare for it. 

This next concept was easy for me.  Thought is a mental process of bringing something inside us, or internalize it.  We hear or see, or read something, and then have to bring that inside of us. We do this constantly all the time. We hear a lecture, or read a book, and we have to bring that inside ourselves in a way that we can recall it later, like for an exam.  This process may be quick to some, and slow to others, but in either case, thought is bringing into ones mind a new concept.  (Perhaps the biggest challenge is being able to recall that thought at the time it is needed, as in an exam.)  I would add here, that if that thought is not true, or correct, it will cause us some trouble or conflict down the road, until we have the truth, or correct thing in mind.

Perception is the awareness of something.  That perception may, or may not be accurate. This can become a bit challenging. To elaborate on this for a bit, how many times are we so involved in something, that when we check what time it is, hours have gone by.  Our perception of time was not accurate, during this time.  Likewise, a person’s conception of time when they have to practice the piano, is that time stands still.  So it is with things that go on around us.  Even things we may see, or hear, our perception can be off, for whatever reason.  If there are several witness to an accident, they all saw the same thing, yet they all saw it through a different perception, and thus their stories will be different.

The last concept for this post is this.  You can think then see, or see then think, but those two things always have to happen before you have the urge to do something.  I will not comment on this more, as when I thought on this, I couldn't think of any examples that caused me to disagree with it.  To me, this is about as natural as you can get. Example: I had thought of something I wanted, and saw the room in my mind I needed to go to, so I went there. (However, that doesn't mean when I got to that room I could remember why I went there.  That’s ‘sometimers’, sometimes I forget what I went to do, but that is another subject.) 

What do these words and concepts have to do with motivation?  Continue to hang in there with me.  We have a few more posts, and then you can realize there is a system here we all go through, mostly at lightening speed. As we put all of these together, we can work on our weak areas to get motivated.

Next post: Motivation part 3   

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Motivation, Part 1

It has been suggested that I do a post on motivation.  I will let you know now that as I start this first rough draft, it is in the first half of the month of April, 2014.  I have no idea when this will be ready to post.  I have no inkling on how to discuss this subject, or even examples that I can use.  Examples put pictures in people’s minds, and they can remember things better and longer.  Also, though I don’t know where, what, or how this will come about, I also feel that it will take two, three, or more postings to explain it all.

I can only say confidence grows when one starts to do things him or herself.  We don’t do anyone a favor by doing something for them over and over again, that they are capable of doing, or need to do.  I remember as if it was yesterday, the first day on the phones, in a phone center.  We were well trained, and knew how to answer client’s questions.  We may stumble through the computer screens, but we knew enough that we needed to get on the phones and take calls.

I am glad no one was taking my blood pressure on that first call.  I am sure it was sky high, my heart was racing, and I was very nervous.  After the first few calls, my heart stopped racing.  A few more, and I was getting calm, and am sure my blood pressure was going down.  After only a few days, any nervousness was gone, and I was getting through the screens quite fine.  It wasn’t long before I was in a routine, and wondering why I was afraid to begin with.  So it is, I believe, with all things we try for the first time.  Perhaps not as stressed out as I was at that time, but there are always nerves, jitters and concerns of the unknown on things that we haven’t tried before..

I had the chance to spend almost two days with my mentor working on motivation.  I was somewhat amazed or puzzled why we went over so many different words, and their meanings, and having to clay out these concepts. However, I will do similarly here.  I will give you some words each day, and perhaps some challenges I had.  I hope as these next several posting goes along, you too, can ponder on this and perhaps develop greater self-motivation.

First, we start with the word change.  Change means something becoming something else.  That seems easy enough.  A seed turns into a plant.  That is something, becoming something else.  But you have to be careful here.  You cannot be involved here. Buds on a tree turn into leaves.  This is a change.  Leaves falling off of trees is change.  Something becoming something else is change. 

Now add this concept in with change to help you.  Time and change are the same thing.  You can’t have change without time, and you can’t have time without change.  A tree that falls over in the forest will change from a solid form, into compost over time.  And with each passing birthday, we notice change in our bodies.  Enough on that.

Now comes a part that really challenged me.  Consequence.  I was guilty of thinking consequence is always bad.  I think most of us are raised that way for whatever reason. I am sure we all heard if we don’t do homework, we will get bad grades.  But how often do we hear if we bring home all ‘A’s” we get to go out for dinner? I will say here, consequence is self-making change happen.  Example, it snows outside.  Change has happened.  I didn’t cause it to snow, but there is now snow on my driveway and sidewalk.  I can choose to shovel the snow, or leave it on the sidewalk.  The result of my consequence is either good or bad.  If I shovel the snow, I decreased the chance of someone slipping on my sidewalk and hurting themselves when the snow turns into ice, which is a change that we know will happen.  Thus, shoveling the snow is a consequence, self (me) making change happen, (removing snow from my driveway and sidewalk) which in and of itself is neither good, or bad.  

As I was going over this back and forth with my mentor, I created a new word as I came to this concept.  Everything we do is a consequence.  It is neither good.or bad, but the result of our consequence, or ‘action’ is either good or bad.  Hence, after I came home from a class one day with Cindy, I emailed her I was going outside ‘consequence-ing’, that is, remove the snow off my driveway.

                                                                                                                                             

Even as you read this post, you are ‘consequence-ing’, that is, self, making change happen.  You are thinking over in your mind what I have written.  You are making a decision if you agree with what I have said.  If you’re up to it, you will challenge what you have believed or understood about consequence, and see if you need to make a change in your mind.  All of your actions every day are consequences, as you (self) are making change happen. I put the seed into fertile ground, by taking it out of its package, and placing it in the ground .  This is consequence, self, (me) making change happen.  The seed sprouts, and turns into a plant.  Change has happened.   So I will end this post with ‘Happy consequence-ing’.

Next post:  Motivation, part 2

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Signs of Dyslexia

I jump back now to a period of extreme personal frustrations, just prior to finding the book ‘The Gift of Dyslexia’.  I had been unemployed for about 6 months at this time.  I had spent a good portion of two of those months bettering myself and learning more computer skills, etc.  I remembered talking to my doctor a good year or more earlier when I was in to see him, about dyslexia, and what could be done for me. 

Now let me say here, I think I have a great doctor.  He has been our family doctor for years, and knows all of our children.  I literally trust him with my life.  I am planning on living a long life, and I can only hope he will continue to practice medicine as long as I live, as I don’t want to find another doctor.  I think a lot of you can relate to this, and understand where I am coming from.  His comment to me was along the lines that there is much that can be done for children who have dyslexia today, and would encourage one to take advantage of those services.  However, as for adults, he wasn’t aware of anything that I could do, but to continue on the best I could with where I was at that time. 

I was sadden by this news.  I didn’t want any medications.  I feel the less medication one takes, the better off they will be in the long run.  However, I was hoping he was aware of classes or support groups, or something that was out there for the working age people with dyslexia, who probably didn’t have much resources available to them when they were younger.

So, during this time, I decided I would do a google search on signs of dyslexia.  Was that an eye opener to me! I will list here many symptoms or signs or dyslexia.

I have discussed the reading challenges.  They don’t like to read, read slowly and very unevenly. They have a hard time understanding what they read, and get tired easily by reading.  Mixing up letters in words, or words being seen backwards is common.  Letters like b,d, and m,n and p,q are often interexchange.  They will see house, but say home, and on and on.

There are also speech indicators.  They may stutter.  They may take a long time before they even start talking, like age 2, 3, or even older.  They have a hard time sounding out words.  Enunciation and pronouncing words are challenges.  They can be easily distracted by sounds that are around them.

Spelling is another huge indicator.  They hear words differently, and then try and spell according to how they hear the word.  Not to mention words that sound the same but are spelled differently. Which ‘their’ do they write?

They appear bright, and highly intelligent, but are often labelled lazy, dumb, careless, immature, etc.

They appear to zone out, or daydream

They often are clumsy, uncoordinated, or poor at ball or team sports, prone to motion sickness

Dyslexia’s can be ambidextrous, and confuse right/ left, as well as over/under, etc.

They can have challenges with math.  Besides seeing numbers backwards 6/9, 3/8, 2/5, they depend on fingers or other tricks, have challenges with word problems, or doing any math over algebra level.

Another indication is they have challenges with time, as in reading a clock with hands on it, managing time, or being on time.

A dyslexia has excellent long term memory for experiences and locations they personally had, yet can’t remember facts or sequences which he/she has not experienced.  They think primarily with images and feelings

One will have extremes’ in their life, very disorderly or compulsively orderly, class clown or too quiet, extremely early or late developmental stages (talking, crawling, walking, etc.) heavy sleeper, or light sleeper, thus causing  bedwetting beyond appropriate age if they are heavy sleepers, very high or low pain tolerance, emotionally sensitive, strives for perfections.

For a dyslexia, mistakes and symptoms increase when they are confused, have time pressures, stress, or poor health.

And you thought reading was the only sign of dyslexia?  Of the above 12 paragraphs, I have had challenges in 10 of the 12.  And several symptoms, if not all in those 10 categories.

I would suggest that if you, or someone you know, have challenges in 4 or more of these paragraphs, what would it hurt if they were tested for dyslexia?  With what is available today, I think we are doing a greater disservice to them in the long run, if we don't reach out now to help them, no matter their age.

As I mentioned before, I don’t like taking medication.  There is a time and place for them, but I think it should be a short lived duration, if possible.  There are options out there that does not require any medication that can help these people.  I know.  I took a class that had no medication attached to it at all. 

There is help out there for you.  After all, you don’t know what you don’t know.

Next post: Motivation

Confidence

With the class and test behind me, I reflected on what I had accomplished.  I had learned the tools I needed to read, and that I had something to offer and give to the world.  I was able to overcome a few challenges in life, and know that I will be able to overcome future challenges that will come up as well. I believe that applying what I have learned will be long and challenging, and not be easy, at least for the immediate future. I don’t believe one attempt right after taking this class, will solve all issues.  I needed constant reminders to stay oriented, and to use the tools I have acquired. No, this is going to be a long, tedious process, one I have to work hard at each and every day.

As I mentioned before, my mentor kept in touch with me.  Was I doing anything with the new tools I had?  What was happening in my life?  I will say that the first few months, I was luke warm with the tools I had, mostly because I didn’t have a reason to use them. But now, I had the interview, passed the exam and have a new position, thanks to these tools I choose to use.  However, now I need to reach out and talk to people.  This is way out of my confidence zone, talking to strangers.  (Someone did mention to me jokingly, that the admonishment from our parents to not to talk to strangers should be disregarded as we become adults!)  Even talking to friends and people I know regarding my new position is challenging.

It was highly recommended at this place of employment, that we all read some help books.  On that list was ‘Think and Grow Rich’.  Let me tell you, the title of that book is very deceiving. It is a very powerful book on matters of the mind, our thinking process, etc.  This book was recommended at the right time for me.  As I read through it (slowly, of course), my mind was understanding all of it, and concepts were coming to my mind of how I could get rid of doubt and unbelief in myself. I think this book could be called ‘Think and grow confidence’ or ‘Think and grow friendships’, or a lot of other things.

I have been working on my confidence for well over 5 months now, with the last 3 months doing some serious mental adjustments for over an hour a day, 5 days a week.  Notes I had written from other classes I had with Cindy, the book I was reading, questions and more questions came to mind.  I think I must have had Cindy nervous to check her email.  I would send her and email with this question, and ask more questions about her explanations.  Why didn’t my perception of something fit in here?  Cindy claims to enjoy my questions, as she said it keeps her on her toes. It is amazing the confidence one builds when they have an accurate picture of words, and perceptions of what is going on around them. There were a few times when she took a little longer to reply, but there would always be a good reason, out of town at a conference training, a funeral in family, etc.  There was no big rush, and whenever she got back to me was fine. However, I must admit, the quick replies, were most helpful, as the situation that caused the email was still fresh in my mind, and I would remember what caused the question, and if that answer was enough, or if I needed more information.

Today, I had a special feeling come over me.  After all these months applying what I have learned, I felt something lifted from my mind.  I felt I could see things better.  Life seemed brighter for some reason.  I would be a fool to think I could stop here.  It would be like a dieter who reached the weight they wanted, and then started eating anything they wanted again. Unless one understands a diet is a way of life, the weight will come back on.  To think I have conquered dyslexia, and no more effort is needed on my part, I can expect to be back to where I was, rather quickly!  No, this is a lifelong commitment.  A life changing experience for me.  I can and must work on my confidence level every day.

I was a young lad when the movie ‘The Sound of Music’ came out.  I love that movie.  I have no idea how many times I have seen it.  I love good music, and the songs in that movie have reached deep into my heart.  ‘How do you solve a problem like…”(durst I dare put my name in there?)  Climb every mountain.  My Favorite Things.  I will end this post with one song that has really resonated in me.

As Maria is leaving the convent to go to Captain Von Trap’s home, she makes the statement that ‘Whenever the Lord shuts the door, somewhere He opens a window.’  A powerful statement for all of us to ponder on when things don’t go the way we think they should or how we planned.  Then she starts to think about the future, and her hopes, and concerns, her confidence, her doubts.  Here are the words to that song:

What will this day be like? I wonder.
What will my future be? I wonder.
It could be so exciting to be out in the world, to be free
My heart should be wildly rejoicing
Oh, what's the matter with me?

I've always longed for adventure
To do the things I've never dared
And here I'm facing adventure
Then why am I so scared

A captain with seven children
What's so fearsome about that?

Oh, I must stop these doubts, all these worries
If I don't I just know I'll turn back
I must dream of the things I am seeking
I am seeking the courage I lack

The courage to serve them with reliance
Face my mistakes without defiance
Show them I'm worthy
And while I show them
I'll show me

So, let them bring on all their problems
I'll do better than my best
I have confidence they'll put me to the test
But I'll make them see I have confidence in me

Somehow I will impress them
I will be firm but kind
And all those children (Heaven bless them!)
They will look up to me

And mind me with each step I am more certain
Everything will turn out fine
I have confidence the world can all be mine
They'll have to agree I have confidence in me

I have confidence in sunshine
I have confidence in rain
I have confidence that spring will come again
Besides which you see I have confidence in me

Strength doesn't lie in numbers
Strength doesn't lie in wealth
Strength lies in nights of peaceful slumbers
When you wake up -- Wake Up!

It tells me all I trust I lead my heart to
All I trust becomes my own
I have confidence in confidence alone
(Oh help!)

I have confidence in confidence alone
Besides which you see I have confidence in me

I have had some success through my life.  I know I can do things, and want to do them.  However, so much of what I have said and did and think, up to this time, spoke otherwise. I am sure many opportunities have passed over me.  The class was one week.  The application of what I learned has taken several months so far.  Building up my self-esteem or confidence will take much more time. (And yes, we all have those ‘Oh help!’ moments!)

My desire is for all of us to reach out and help others build confidence in themselves.  Whether they have dyslexia or not, let’s build people up.  However, my guess would be that all dyslexia’s have a sever confidence problem in themselves, especially if they don’t know how to use the gift they have properly.

Next Blog:  Signs of Dyslexia

(Note on confidence: Do you really want to know how long I had this feeling I needed to share my experiences via this blog?  Do you really want to know the internal struggles I had of sharing my life experiences with the world? If you knew the challenges I had in English classes, spelling, and grammar, perhaps you are asking ‘Why then are you writing this blog?’  As I mentioned to my mentor that I was thinking of doing this blog, she though it was a great idea and encouraged me to do it.  This feeling that I needed to do this would not leave me.  As there is absolutely no financial gain for me in writing this, and as each post takes at least three or more hours to compose and review, why do I continue to do this?  If there are only a few people I can reach out to and encourage them to get help, then it would be worth all the time I put into it.  When the feeling leaves me, I will stop posting.  As I only have a few more thoughts in mind now, my mentor mentioned an idea for me to explore and comment on. I have for over almost two weeks wondered how I would comment on it.  I believe the answer came to me today.  If people post comments on this blog, or have questions, I would be happy to expand on it.  I probably have an experience regarding it. Please be patient with me, as it will take at least one week, perhaps much longer, to go from thought, to rough draft, to editing, to publishing. I do it all myself, but if it is important to you, I would love to see if I can offer any encouragement.)

THE test

I got through the class, and learned new tools to help me learn and understand the way most people do.  What was lacking was putting it to use.  I feel those who take this class while they are in school, are better off, as they can put these new skill to use right away.  I however, was looking for a job.

I exchanged emails with my mentor, and kept in touch with her.  She always seemed to have the right timing to email me when I started not using my orientation.   By doing this, I knew she meant that she would help me any time down the road I would need it.  That test came within 6 months of me taking this class.

I mentioned that I had worked for a well-known national brokerage firm, and have my series 7 and 63 licenses. I really didn’t mind leaving that field of work, but when I got a call for an interview from another similar company, I was hesitant.  I knew what the other brokers had to do, and selling was not in my blood.  I could be a great back office worker, but that was it.  However, I needed a job, and this was an interview, so I went in. 

I will be the first to admit here that I was very slow in learning things here.  I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, as it was so different from the other place that I worked at.  I finally saw how the average American person could save for retirement, where as in most other places, huge amounts of money were needed up front.  The more I understood about this company, the more I liked it, as it opperated the way I thought a company should be.  But there was once catch to this.  I needed to get another license!

This time I had to pay for everything…no company was paying for me to take the exams.  I don’t know if that was a big consideration in the back of my mind.  All I know, was that my mentor said she would help me, and I set up a time to go in.

The subject matter was all new to Cindy.  I could tell quickly that she didn’t have the foundation that I did in that field.  We worked and struggled all day on one chapter. This wasn’t looking good.  But she made a comment somewhere during that day, that this exam was more of a vocabulary exam than anything else.  That comment clicked in my mind.  Remember, you can’t answer the question correctly, if you don’t understand the question.  All these new terms I was learning, I needed to know them forward and backward.  Thus, when they used these terms in question, I would know what they were looking for. 

I study for that exam differently.  I went through each chapter, and took each new term they were explaining, and wrote the definition down.  I know, I should have clayed it, but writing it down took time, and I could internalize it as I was writing it, making it mine.  I owned each definition!  Each chapter had three or more pages of hand written definitions.  I listened to a CD on that course, and stopped it at each new concept, to let it sink in.  Bingo!  I realized something then.  While teachers are good at explaining things, they have to go at a certain pace to cover things for everyone.  People like me would hear an important concept, and write it down, while tuning the teacher out, so we can get that concept firm in our mind.  By the time we were finished with that concept, the teacher would be two, if not three more concepts down the road.  That CD was wonderful.  I went at my pace, paused it, wrote more down, and then started it again.  (I thought to myself, ‘This is what I need, a pause button for my teachers!)

The day of the exam came.  I went in, feeling confident, as I had on all the other exams I took.  But this one was different.  Indeed, it was a vocabulary exam.  I was understanding the questions, and had very little confusion while taking the exam.  I went at a steady pace, and had plenty of time at the end.  I knew better than to go back and review, so I pushed the ‘score’ button, and waited.  Eighty-six percent!  86!!  Can you believe that?  I scored between 60 to 69 percent on all the others, and failed them, as you needed at least 70%, and this one I soared pass the minimum requirement, without any stress!

I thought I could hear my mentor scream from California, where she was when I sent her the text that I has passed!  It was a wonderful feeling, and a confidence booster as well.  Now I could do the other things that needed to be done so I could start working.

Never in a hundred years would I  have thought that the next step would be harder than taking the exam.  But that is just as essential to a dyslexia.

Next blog: Confidence

End of Class

As the week progressed, and as my mind was stretched to new limits every day, I was learning lots.  This next part is harder for me to share, but it does need to be shared.

I don’t recall doing this intentionally, but I was making a lot of judgments of my mentor.  Can I trust her?  What are her views?  What type of things is she telling me?  Do they go with or against my moral, spiritual and other beliefs?  I was doing all of this, as I was in class, and she was making assessments of me and my progress. 

There must be a form a trust between the student and the teacher, with total confidentiality as well, that works both ways.  As this was happening, I had many concerns and questions in my mind.  There were some questions that came up in my mind that I needed to get straightened out.  Each new concept or definition was evaluated in my mind over all my beliefs, values, and experiences in life.  If something didn’t fit in a way which I thought it should, we talked about it, until I understood. I can’t tell you how many times I challenged something she said, and I made her work hard to explain things to me.  As hard as I tried, (and there were a few times when I thought she missed the mark and hadn’t considered this or that) I don’t recall her ever changing a statement she told me, but as we talked about it, I could see where I had misunderstood a concept or definition of a word. (Yes, the world would be different if we all had open minds and try to understand the other person. Just maybe we ourselves don’t understand a word or concept, and jumped to a wrong conclusion.)

 Cindy asked me some questions which I really didn’t want to answer.  Yet I knew if I didn’t, she couldn’t help me.  And turn around was just as fair in that classroom.  I could ask her any question, and expect an honest answer, only if I was giving honest answers.  On one or two occasions, she said she would get back to me the next day with a reply, and she always did.  (I will say here a few months ago during an email exchange, she ‘thanked me’ for my ‘tough’ questions which causes her some challenges at times to respond to.  I don’t mean to be challenging, but I so appreciated her prompt replies, even if it takes a few rounds of emails to clear it up in my mind.)

I cannot think of a school teacher that I had where I was ever this comfortable to ask questions.  After all, questions are all about learning.  But then again, I was the only student, and no one else was hearing how I was thinking and processing concepts, to make fun of me.

As I mentioned before, there wasn’t a whole lot of physical movement in this class, but there was a huge amount of mental and emotional stretching.  She had earned my trust, and I had earned her trust.  I was seeing things I hadn’t seen or understood before.  Definitions of words that I thought I knew, were changing my mind. 

As I was studying for those exams that I did not pass to keep my job, I was told once in a class, that ‘You can’t answer a question correctly, if you don’t understand the question.’  That is so true.  I could read a question and think I know the answer, but the answer I had wasn’t there.  Of the possible choices, I was then wondering ‘But they didn’t give enough information to answer this question!’  It is this answer if this, but that answer if that.  As I look back, it is obvious that I didn’t understand the question.  And it is most likely that I didn’t have the correct understanding of a definition of a word or two.

I was frustrated a lot during this class. I don’t know if Cindy knew that or not, as I kept a lot of thing to myself in the past. Most of the frustrations were being upset that it took me this long in life to find this definition of a word, or that ‘common concept’.   I was also learning things I hadn’t understood before.  I have come to like the phrase ‘You don’t know what you don’t know’. Coupled with ‘What you don’t know can (and often does) hurt you’ has made a huge change in my life.  Whereas I dreaded to go to school and ‘learn’, my mind is more like a sponge, soaking up whatever I can when I can. That which I was learning in this class, didn’t go against any of my moral or spiritual beliefs.  It was all resonating true and correct to me.  There were a few times I had moist eyes in that class.  I can’t speak for other students, but I wouldn’t be surprised that most, if not all students, are in tears or have moist eyes at least once during that week. This however, shouldn’t surprise anyone.  Anyone who has accomplished anything, has gone through a lot of personal struggles, frustrations, and tears of their own.  Trust me when I say mastering this gift is an accomplishment!

For me, the tears weren’t tears of anger or frustration.  Rather, they were tears of gratitude to find out what I didn’t know!  I learned that I am smart, a genius!   The anger part was more at me for allowing myself to believe otherwise and for so long. What would my life had been like if I could have gotten this information earlier?  (Note:  You are probably tired of hearing me say I am a genius.  In saying this, I am in no way implying or indicating that I am in any way better than you are.  I am human and have weaknesses, just like you.  Rather, instead of seeing myself as ‘below’ the rest of the world, as I often have in the past, I now see myself as rest of the world, a genius among geniuses!  We all are geniuses in our own way.)

We talked a lot.  I think there is a huge amount of garbage that has to be removed from the mind of a person who has dyslexia.  I only had one week with Cindy as my teacher.  I have years of garbage to be taken out.  And good stuff had to be planted in my mind, and allowed to grow at my pace.  How is this going to happen?

This course is only one week long (five days), for about 6 hours a day.  Trust me again, when I say it can’t last much longer than 6 hours a day.  I had learned the concepts. I can now choose to apply them, or ignore them and use my gift.  But how can I remember everything?

This course was set up with me, so that I can call my mentor, or email her at any time, and she will respond quickly.  I can even schedule a time to go in and review some items as needed, FOR LIFE, at no additional fees.  (OK, regardless of the price, I will come out on top on this deal.)  In the short time since I have taken this course, she has answered countless emails, and I have been in for some refresher courses, and specific additional training.  I consider Cindy first and foremost, my mentor.  In that process, she has become a good and trusted friend.

Next blog: THE test.

Koosh

I learned in this class that people with dyslexia are disoriented most of the time.  It is this disorientation that allows them to see things others don’t, to explore things in their minds others can’t do easily.  It is full of ideas ready to come to life.  As I have come to understand this, I am truly amazed at this gift.  Yet I had to be taught that I had this gift.  I believe this was the moment of change in me.  I can see things quickly that most people never can see, or have to work very hard to see.  This comes naturally to dyslexia people.

We just have a hard time ‘focusing’ as the world calls it, or as Ron Davis in his book says, ‘orientation.’  I won’t try to explain it here, but it is explained in his book.  When I learned this simple procedure, I was amazed at how different the world became to me.  I have been told that this is the world most people are in, who can read and understand what they read.

This process is really quite simple, yet takes a lot of practice when one is discovering this. There is a point behind your head, slightly above the center part of your head that a dyslexia needs to concentrate on.  It is fragile, and when learning, can move ever so slightly, and needs to be adjusted from time to time.  When I can find this position, and keep my orientation, reading is so much easier.  I see words as they are written.  However, when a problem comes up that needs a solution, I can let go of my orientation, and use my gift, of visualizing it in my mind and finding solutions.

Indeed, a picture is worth a thousand words, and if a dyslexia sees several pictures in their minds in just a few seconds, they have ‘read’ volumes of books, and see things instantly others haven’t seen.  How can someone who can do that be stupid?  However, as was the case with me, (and I believe with most people with dyslexia) if I was to say what I saw in my mind, more often than not, unable to put it into words, nor being able to explain why, or how I came up with it, others laughed at my reply, often saying it was not possible.  They wouldn’t even discuss the possibility of it being correct or doable. Thus little by little, I started to not answer questions in class, not voicing my solutions or opinions. I learned to be shy and bashful, and easily being embarrassed in front of my own peers

Early in my dyslexia class, I was introduced to the game ‘Koosh’.  Cindy said I was the first person to not like this game.  Granted, most of her students are probably a lot younger than I am, and enjoy sports activities.  I didn’t enjoy sports, but I don’t mind tossing koosh balls back and forth.  But we couldn’t start tossing them back and forth, until we were balanced on one foot.  Now being one of large stature, I had the hardest time balancing on one foot.  She told me to find a spot on the floor, and concentrate on that. After I was able to balance on one foot, she started throwing the koosh balls at me and I was to catch them!  Wait a minute!  You want me to balance, and catch balls at the same time? 

And this wasn’t all of it!  She was expecting me to carry on a conversation with her!  Talk, while tossing balls, and standing on one foot all at the same time?  I am sure there are many out there who could just pick that up and start doing it without a problem.  I had a huge challenge with that.  Such a challenge that I disliked ‘koosh’ from the start!  I moaned when it was time to do that in the future.  But there is a reason for it, and she was good at catching when I needed to play ‘koosh’.

You see, a dyslexia person mind is always going.  Hundreds, if not thousand ideas a day. One’s mind can start at the beginning of a class on the teacher, then go home, visit the next state, then a neighboring country, then a few places around the world and back to the teacher, before the teacher can finish a paragraph to them, because they heard a word and saw a picture in their mind which took them somewhere else. I would get very disoriented.  Koosh will bring them back to you with full attention.  As I said, it was very difficult for me, and so unenjoyable to me, trying to stand on one foot.  However, when I was doing this, I could not focus on or think of anything else.  I could not have multi thoughts going on in my head.  I had to keep my balance on one foot, catch balls, and talk to my mentor at the same time.  I was focused.  Totally focused, oriented.  I learned quickly that when it was time to play ‘koosh’, she caught me out of my orientation state. I was learning how to keep it so I wouldn’t have to do ‘koosh’.

This is a simple game to help stay oriented.  Those few, who like me may hate it, will quickly learn to stay oriented so they don’t have to play that game.  Those who do enjoy it, it is a positive reinforcement of where their orientation point is, and how to get it there when needed.  If you know someone whose mind wonders a lot, I would suggest you do this activity with them while you talk.  There is only one catch to it though.  You have to be standing on one foot also!  That is the way my mentor did it with me!

Next post:  The class coming to an end.

The Internal struggle

I believe we all have things in our past that have caused us not to be the person we want or could be today, which if we could deal with, and learn to let go, will make our lives better today.  Many things require professional help to overcome.  This blog is not to debate what should be, or how to do that.  Rather, I would suggest that those who do have symptoms of dyslexia are fighting a huge battle in their minds.  I know I have.  I don’t dare say I have solved it all yet, but I do know my ‘mind battles’ are not nearly as challenging as they have been.

My siblings got good grades in school, which seemed to me came easy to them. I was struggling hard every day, and always brought home poor grades.  They got college degrees, and good jobs.  I was happy to get an associate degree at a Technology college.  My wife has always had to work for us to make ends meet.  I have always felt like the ‘black sheep’ in my family. Yet I have a wonderful family, and I love them all dearly.  However in my mind, I was never as good as any of them.  How could I be, when they could read something and understand it, and I have no idea what I just read?  (That is wrong reasoning, but it was the way I felt and saw it.)

I will mention here, that recently, as I have been able to articulate my feelings, and share with my siblings the feelings I have had, they all commented that they never considered me a ‘black sheep.’  They pointed out traits they admire in me, and wished they had, of caring, sharing, and doing my best at whatever I did, things they looked up to me.  Can you imagine what a great feeling of support I got from them as I learned they looked up to me?  They knew things didn’t come easy to me, but they told me I wasn’t a quitter.  I think we all need more family time with our loved ones, with honest and caring conversation.

I had a huge inferiority complex that started when I was young, and kept growing all these years.  A huge amount of garbage had been placed in my mind that I wasn’t as good as the next person.  I had an extremely hard time reading and comprehending what I read.  Why try competing, when I knew I wouldn’t win? Spelling bees?  Please, can I not even join them?!  Perhaps the biggest question I ask now is ‘How and why, did I allow this garbage in my mind?’ and ‘How can I help others with dyslexia now to realize, if they don’t already, that they have been fed a lot of garbage in their lifetime they need to get rid of?’  Getting rid of it is not easy, but is so essential to move on in life.

The best visual I can give here is this.  Picture your home, and all that goes on in there.  Now think of all the garbage that collects there in a week.  Now visualize the garbage man doesn’t come to pick up your garbage….for 45 years.  How are you operating? I was around 8 when I noticed I was having problems learning, and it took me over 45 years to finally do something about it.  When you do get around to getting the garbage picked up, it won’t be done in one trip to the dump.  So it was with my mind.  One class, one attempt did not get rid of all that garbage that needed to get thrown out.  I believe the longer a person who have these feelings of inadequacies and hold them in, the longer it will take to clean up the mess.  I also believe that everyone should know that just as garbage collects every day, so we must constantly be throwing it out of our minds.

I didn’t know I had this ‘gift’ at the time when a brother suggested to me that I would be a good piano tuner.  That thought never entered into my mind.  A few years after he suggested that, an opportunity came up for me to learn that trade, and I thought why not?  This brother was willing to loan me the money so I could learn the trade.  There is a skill here, and many hours of learning and practicing occurred, as in any vocation one chooses.  However, of all the strings on a piano, I only need to tune 12 of them to a meter, so I know they are right on pitch.  All of the others strings, I tune to those twelve.  I can tell instantly when they are in tune.  I don’t need a meter after those 12 strings are on, thus I can tune a piano to itself, and not to a machine.  It is as clear in my ears when I hear it on pitch, as the day is different from night.  I had mastered something, but the low self-esteem was still there.

Now about 20 years later, Cindy was asking questions that weren’t easy to answer.  The quote I mentioned a few postings earlier about everyone being a genius, I found on Cindy’s wall in her office.  Albert Einstein was definitely different than most people in his time, but what great discoveries he made.  It was his ability to see, or visualize,  and hear things that others didn’t see and hear that have contributed so much to all the items we enjoy today.  And how many more things are being invented, almost on a daily bases now?  Cindy told me that she believes that she gets to work with all the ‘Einstein’s’ of today.

WOW!  Did she really think I was smart? Me, an ‘Einstein’? Who put this ‘stupid’ label on me, and why have I allowed it to stay with me for so long?  A seed was planted in very fertile soil, but as the soil was so fertile, there were thousands of weeds to get rid of.  This does not happen overnight.  It takes time, and there are two parts here that have to work together.  The belief in yourself, and getting rid of the incorrect picture one has of him or herself.  The seed won’t grow to its full potential if it is blocked with weeds, or doesn’t get nourished. 

I remembered a statement Cindy posed to me one day.  She said ‘Stuart, I think you are afraid of success.’  Who in the world would be afraid of that, was my first thought.  Then I did some thinking.  We all have our comfort zone.  Mine was extremely small.  So small, that I could have walked out of it if I walked too fast.  Successful people are those who always are up to a challenge, who stretch themselves, who are never afraid to step out of their comfort zone. 

Don’t you just hate it when someone nails something on the head about you that you need to improve on with such accuracy!  Now keep in mind, Cindy had earned my trust by this time, and I knew she cared about me, and wanted me to succeed.  It was only after this trust was formed that she posed that statement to me.

Next blog: The dreadful Koosh