I believe we all have things in our past that have caused us
not to be the person we want or could be today, which if we could deal with,
and learn to let go, will make our lives better today. Many things require professional help to
overcome. This blog is not to debate
what should be, or how to do that.
Rather, I would suggest that those who do have symptoms of dyslexia are
fighting a huge battle in their minds. I
know I have. I don’t dare say I have
solved it all yet, but I do know my ‘mind battles’ are not nearly as
challenging as they have been.
My siblings got good grades in school, which seemed to me came
easy to them. I was struggling hard every day, and always brought home poor
grades. They got college degrees, and
good jobs. I was happy to get an
associate degree at a Technology college.
My wife has always had to work for us to make ends meet. I have always felt like the ‘black sheep’ in
my family. Yet I have a wonderful family, and I love them all dearly. However in my mind, I was never as good as
any of them. How could I be, when they
could read something and understand it, and I have no idea what I just read? (That is wrong reasoning, but it was the way
I felt and saw it.)
I will mention here, that recently, as I have been able to
articulate my feelings, and share with my siblings the feelings I have had,
they all commented that they never considered me a ‘black sheep.’ They pointed out traits they admire in me,
and wished they had, of caring, sharing, and doing my best at whatever I did, things
they looked up to me. Can you imagine
what a great feeling of support I got from them as I learned they looked up to
me? They knew things didn’t come easy to
me, but they told me I wasn’t a quitter.
I think we all need more family time with our loved ones, with honest
and caring conversation.
I had a huge inferiority complex that started when I was
young, and kept growing all these years.
A huge amount of garbage had been placed in my mind that I wasn’t as
good as the next person. I had an
extremely hard time reading and comprehending what I read. Why try competing, when I knew I wouldn’t
win? Spelling bees? Please, can I not
even join them?! Perhaps the biggest
question I ask now is ‘How and why, did I allow this garbage in my mind?’ and
‘How can I help others with dyslexia now to realize, if they don’t already,
that they have been fed a lot of garbage in their lifetime they need to get rid
of?’ Getting rid of it is not easy, but
is so essential to move on in life.
The best visual I can give here is this. Picture your home, and all that goes on in
there. Now think of all the garbage that
collects there in a week. Now visualize
the garbage man doesn’t come to pick up your garbage….for 45 years. How are you operating? I was around 8 when I
noticed I was having problems learning, and it took me over 45 years to finally
do something about it. When you do get
around to getting the garbage picked up, it won’t be done in one trip to the
dump. So it was with my mind. One class, one attempt did not get rid of all
that garbage that needed to get thrown out.
I believe the longer a person who have these feelings of inadequacies
and hold them in, the longer it will take to clean up the mess. I also believe that everyone should know that
just as garbage collects every day, so we must constantly be throwing it out of
our minds.
I didn’t know I had this ‘gift’ at the time when a brother
suggested to me that I would be a good piano tuner. That thought never entered into my mind. A few years after he suggested that, an
opportunity came up for me to learn that trade, and I thought why not? This brother was willing to loan me the money
so I could learn the trade. There is a
skill here, and many hours of learning and practicing occurred, as in any
vocation one chooses. However, of all
the strings on a piano, I only need to tune 12 of them to a meter, so I know
they are right on pitch. All of the
others strings, I tune to those twelve.
I can tell instantly when they are in tune. I don’t need a meter after those 12 strings
are on, thus I can tune a piano to itself, and not to a machine. It is as clear in my ears when I hear it on
pitch, as the day is different from night.
I had mastered something, but the low self-esteem was still there.
Now about 20 years later, Cindy was asking questions that
weren’t easy to answer. The quote I
mentioned a few postings earlier about everyone being a genius, I found on Cindy’s
wall in her office. Albert Einstein was definitely
different than most people in his time, but what great discoveries he
made. It was his ability to see, or
visualize, and hear things that others
didn’t see and hear that have contributed so much to all the items we enjoy
today. And how many more things are
being invented, almost on a daily bases now?
Cindy told me that she believes that she gets to work with all the
‘Einstein’s’ of today.
WOW! Did she really
think I was smart? Me, an ‘Einstein’? Who put this ‘stupid’ label on me, and
why have I allowed it to stay with me for so long? A seed was planted in very fertile soil, but
as the soil was so fertile, there were thousands of weeds to get rid of. This does not happen overnight. It takes time, and there are two parts here
that have to work together. The belief
in yourself, and getting rid of the incorrect picture one has of him or
herself. The seed won’t grow to its full
potential if it is blocked with weeds, or doesn’t get nourished.
I remembered a statement Cindy posed to me one day. She said ‘Stuart, I think you are afraid of
success.’ Who in the world would be
afraid of that, was my first thought.
Then I did some thinking. We all
have our comfort zone. Mine was
extremely small. So small, that I could
have walked out of it if I walked too fast.
Successful people are those who always are up to a challenge, who
stretch themselves, who are never afraid to step out of their comfort
zone.
Don’t you just hate it when someone nails something on the
head about you that you need to improve on with such accuracy! Now keep in mind, Cindy had earned my trust
by this time, and I knew she cared about me, and wanted me to succeed. It was only after this trust was formed that
she posed that statement to me.
Next blog: The dreadful Koosh
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