End of Class

As the week progressed, and as my mind was stretched to new limits every day, I was learning lots.  This next part is harder for me to share, but it does need to be shared.

I don’t recall doing this intentionally, but I was making a lot of judgments of my mentor.  Can I trust her?  What are her views?  What type of things is she telling me?  Do they go with or against my moral, spiritual and other beliefs?  I was doing all of this, as I was in class, and she was making assessments of me and my progress. 

There must be a form a trust between the student and the teacher, with total confidentiality as well, that works both ways.  As this was happening, I had many concerns and questions in my mind.  There were some questions that came up in my mind that I needed to get straightened out.  Each new concept or definition was evaluated in my mind over all my beliefs, values, and experiences in life.  If something didn’t fit in a way which I thought it should, we talked about it, until I understood. I can’t tell you how many times I challenged something she said, and I made her work hard to explain things to me.  As hard as I tried, (and there were a few times when I thought she missed the mark and hadn’t considered this or that) I don’t recall her ever changing a statement she told me, but as we talked about it, I could see where I had misunderstood a concept or definition of a word. (Yes, the world would be different if we all had open minds and try to understand the other person. Just maybe we ourselves don’t understand a word or concept, and jumped to a wrong conclusion.)

 Cindy asked me some questions which I really didn’t want to answer.  Yet I knew if I didn’t, she couldn’t help me.  And turn around was just as fair in that classroom.  I could ask her any question, and expect an honest answer, only if I was giving honest answers.  On one or two occasions, she said she would get back to me the next day with a reply, and she always did.  (I will say here a few months ago during an email exchange, she ‘thanked me’ for my ‘tough’ questions which causes her some challenges at times to respond to.  I don’t mean to be challenging, but I so appreciated her prompt replies, even if it takes a few rounds of emails to clear it up in my mind.)

I cannot think of a school teacher that I had where I was ever this comfortable to ask questions.  After all, questions are all about learning.  But then again, I was the only student, and no one else was hearing how I was thinking and processing concepts, to make fun of me.

As I mentioned before, there wasn’t a whole lot of physical movement in this class, but there was a huge amount of mental and emotional stretching.  She had earned my trust, and I had earned her trust.  I was seeing things I hadn’t seen or understood before.  Definitions of words that I thought I knew, were changing my mind. 

As I was studying for those exams that I did not pass to keep my job, I was told once in a class, that ‘You can’t answer a question correctly, if you don’t understand the question.’  That is so true.  I could read a question and think I know the answer, but the answer I had wasn’t there.  Of the possible choices, I was then wondering ‘But they didn’t give enough information to answer this question!’  It is this answer if this, but that answer if that.  As I look back, it is obvious that I didn’t understand the question.  And it is most likely that I didn’t have the correct understanding of a definition of a word or two.

I was frustrated a lot during this class. I don’t know if Cindy knew that or not, as I kept a lot of thing to myself in the past. Most of the frustrations were being upset that it took me this long in life to find this definition of a word, or that ‘common concept’.   I was also learning things I hadn’t understood before.  I have come to like the phrase ‘You don’t know what you don’t know’. Coupled with ‘What you don’t know can (and often does) hurt you’ has made a huge change in my life.  Whereas I dreaded to go to school and ‘learn’, my mind is more like a sponge, soaking up whatever I can when I can. That which I was learning in this class, didn’t go against any of my moral or spiritual beliefs.  It was all resonating true and correct to me.  There were a few times I had moist eyes in that class.  I can’t speak for other students, but I wouldn’t be surprised that most, if not all students, are in tears or have moist eyes at least once during that week. This however, shouldn’t surprise anyone.  Anyone who has accomplished anything, has gone through a lot of personal struggles, frustrations, and tears of their own.  Trust me when I say mastering this gift is an accomplishment!

For me, the tears weren’t tears of anger or frustration.  Rather, they were tears of gratitude to find out what I didn’t know!  I learned that I am smart, a genius!   The anger part was more at me for allowing myself to believe otherwise and for so long. What would my life had been like if I could have gotten this information earlier?  (Note:  You are probably tired of hearing me say I am a genius.  In saying this, I am in no way implying or indicating that I am in any way better than you are.  I am human and have weaknesses, just like you.  Rather, instead of seeing myself as ‘below’ the rest of the world, as I often have in the past, I now see myself as rest of the world, a genius among geniuses!  We all are geniuses in our own way.)

We talked a lot.  I think there is a huge amount of garbage that has to be removed from the mind of a person who has dyslexia.  I only had one week with Cindy as my teacher.  I have years of garbage to be taken out.  And good stuff had to be planted in my mind, and allowed to grow at my pace.  How is this going to happen?

This course is only one week long (five days), for about 6 hours a day.  Trust me again, when I say it can’t last much longer than 6 hours a day.  I had learned the concepts. I can now choose to apply them, or ignore them and use my gift.  But how can I remember everything?

This course was set up with me, so that I can call my mentor, or email her at any time, and she will respond quickly.  I can even schedule a time to go in and review some items as needed, FOR LIFE, at no additional fees.  (OK, regardless of the price, I will come out on top on this deal.)  In the short time since I have taken this course, she has answered countless emails, and I have been in for some refresher courses, and specific additional training.  I consider Cindy first and foremost, my mentor.  In that process, she has become a good and trusted friend.

Next blog: THE test.